Joy

As I sat in a chair I'd helped make, sipping tea, a breeze lifting my hair from my shoulders-I knew. This feeling, this understanding. This was joy. Pure. Simple. Real. So many other feelings jumble themselves in to the mix, all of them a small part of this three letter word. I know what joy is. It comes from completing tasks, surpassing goals, understanding that you were created for a purpose, and looking around to discover that what you have right now, this moment is the result of whatever has happened in your past, be it good or bad.

I saw that being able to sit on my own porch, in my own chair, with a cup of tea in my hand and a cat wailing plaintively in the background because she is not also outside, is part of what joy is.

I also realized that just being alive to live this specific moment is something I should not brush aside...that it matters to others how I see my life, because the vibe I give off is echoed, a thousand times over by small things such as a smile, a touch, or the words I speak.

Fifty-five years has passed so dizzyingly that it's tough to stop and take a moment to just soak in the view. This perspective I'm talking about doesn't take a majestic mountain, a vast ocean, a deep gorge, nor a spectacular sunset or sunrise to accompany the sense of wonder I might be feeling.

It takes awareness. Gratefulness. Determination. Perseverance. I've had some pretty rough spots in my life-times when I almost gave up hope...when I thought maybe this is it and it's never going to get any better. But...it did! It got so much better that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I am being taught, on a daily basis, what living a joy-filled life truly is all about. Things happen. Life changes on a dime. People, experiences...they come and go. What is constant? The face in the mirror, looking back at me as I prepare for each day. Some days it's tough to find and feel the joy, but it's there. Sometimes it's in the quiet. Sometimes it's in the noise. What I'm discovering is, it's been there all along. When I had no job, no car, no place to live except a bedroom in my mother's home. In my apartment, driving a vehicle I didn't like for three years. In the realization that I might be able to pull off buying a house. And, in the daily grind of a stress-filled job that I'm good at. 

The breeze caresses my wind chimes as I type these last few words. They play their own tune, which has become part of the symphony that is my life.  Listen for your own symphony. It's there, playing in the background, adding tempo and rhythm that are uniquely yours!