Mother's Day & Work Anniversaries

Not two subjects I'd normally put together, but this year they're happening on the same day! My five year anniversary at the company I work for is this Sunday. It's flown by, in a flurry of relief from the onerous task of job hunting, to daily learning as I've tackled and begun to master the jobs I've had over the last five years. Everything I now have in my life has grown from being hired by two brave women five years ago. They took a chance on an unknown, and I've worked hard, no matter what position I've had, to live up to the promises I made them. I'm extremely grateful to these life changers!

Sunday also happens to be Mother's Day. That one day a year when we publicly celebrate the person who carried us for nine months, nurtured us as children, then set us free as adults. I know that's a simplistic view of the process, and that many of us, myself included, are slightly angst-ridden when it comes to our relationship with our mothers. If we ourselves are also mothers, we've got angst about that, as well.

My mom and I have issues. That doesn't stop me from loving her...from appreciating her efforts to raise three decent human beings. While she seems to have a tough time understanding that other people don't necessarily have to live their lives according to her wishes and desires, she unknowingly provides a role model those of us who are a generation or two behind her can choose to either follow, or bypass.

Too often, I see myself and my own shortcomings in the things that annoy me most about my mother. But, it's at these times I get a glimpse of a couple of life lessons I still need to learn. Loving family is not mandatory. We live in a society where families have become disposable. I choose to love. I choose to forgive. I choose, even when it's almost impossible, to believe that things can be better between us. And then, I look at my relationship with my own children...and I weep. I don't often see them. They're responsible adults, with jobs and lives...they're decent humans, and I contributed to that.

This Mother's Day I am thankful. Thankful that my hard-to-get-along-with Mother is still here. Thankful that my children have far outstripped any dream I could have had for them. Thankful that I get to see them, and always hopeful that we can get to a place where I can see them more than I do. They are, as I've said more than once here, the best part of my life. My greatest accomplishments, and my deepest fears lie within them. I'm in awe of them-of the fact that they were once so incredibly helpless but are now so self-sufficient. I fear I've messed them up with my own bad choices. I think this is a mom thing. Any of us who've had children fight this demon. My joy lies in seeing them happy, healthy, and doing what they want to do, and while we cannot change the past, we can alter the future. With more time spent. More words of love spoken. More appreciation shown. Because that's what love is. It's seeing life's river washing over the rocks of our lives, smoothing them relentlessly, and being thankful for the changes.