Wishing Upon A Star

...is for children, right? I sit here, a few days before Christmas, typing by the glow of my Christmas tree. Wishing. Hoping. Dreaming. Waiting. Watching...far more than my single share of romantic, silly, formulaic Christmas movies. It's probably not good for me. Would I like Prince Charming-or at least my version of him, to step out of wherever he's been hiding, sweep me off my feet, and take my breath away? Of course I would! I'd hardly be the romantic I am if I didn't want that to happen.
Funny thing is, I'm a realist, too, and will fully admit that if I could, I'd choose fantasy over reality almost every time. I'm also grateful, because I know I've been blessed. My life is good. The last year has taught me that there are moments in my life that even as they pass by are markers. That I often don't realize this until I look back down the path I've just walked. It takes my finite mind a while to process the fact that good things-things I could barely imagine-can come from things that seem intent on tipping my life over.
The older I get, the more I understand that if I wait for what seems meaningful to me, or if I determine that only my vision of how things are is valid, I will miss opportunities to find something greater. That in my mostly self-focused life, I'm often so mired in the mirror of my own aspirations, I can barely tear my glance away, even for a moment, to see beyond it.
As blessing upon blessing pile up under the Christmas tree of my life...I look at the tag, smile at a brief thought of the Sender, and continue to dig through the pile. The inner me is so sure of that highest prize-how it's shaped, how it will be wrapped, and how unmistakable it will be-well, that's how I've been, at least for a few years. I purposely look past how beautiful my life is in the glow of the tree's lights. I don't even glance at the ornaments hung with great care, so they just catch the lights' reflection. Here-a cute little car. There, a house. Up a little further, a headset that represents a job I like and that I'm good at. Some old-timey post cards hang there as well, representing places I've traveled, and a couple of different cat ornaments, of course! Three breathtaking, intricate jewel-like ornaments, bigger than the rest, sit aloft my tree as well. They're multi-faceted, and twinkle no matter what the angle of my gaze. Nothing else adorning it bears my personal signature. But these three impossibly beautiful, uniquely precious designs are the focal point. My children's faces flash through each jewel, showing them in different stages of their lives. My heart swells in my chest as memories swirl.
I take a step back to catch my breath, and to realize anew that while I've accomplished a lot, everything else fades in comparison to the simple joy any of those faces, in close proximity brings me.
For me, no amount of dating, no romantic assignation, no man-who's-too-good-to-be-true can compare to having been part of three miracles. The best gifts I could have ever gotten came via pain, and struggle, and worry. The ends justified the means for me, and proved to me beyond the shadow of a doubt that there's Intelligent Design behind the chaos I call life.
Each person who reads this is a part of my tree. A glistening light. A strand of shimmery garland. You make my life beautiful, just as it is right now. I thank you for that, and I wish you a blessing-filled holiday season, and a New Year filled with limitless possibilities!

A Lesson in Tolerance

Dear Amy Schumer & the list of other celebrities who claimed they were moving if Donald Trump won:

 

This letter is to you, with your bad behavior, who've now shut yourselves in to your fancy houses, or done a complete about face, calling all those trying to hold you to your word 'racists'. One of the buzz words of the liberal agenda for years has been the word tolerance. I feel like I need to speak up, because it doesn't seem like you understand the meaning of this word so, let me just remind you what the dictionary states:

 

Tolerance:

noun

1.

a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.

2.

a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from one's own.

 

We see from the above definition what tolerance is...and, what it isn't. I'm astonished, disheartened, and even somewhat appalled by the viciousness displayed in the aftermath of what some may call an historic election. I haven't gloated. I haven't denigrated the candidate for whom I did not vote. Yet I see accusations of my personal choice in the blanket statements of those who didn't vote as I did, characterizing any and all who voted as I did as idiots. Bigots. Xenophobes. Homophobes. Complacent to racism. Self-haters. We all live in America, where we have the privilege of being able to cast a vote for whomever we choose. It's secret, unless we choose to disclose it. It's one of the things that sets this great nation apart-freedom. Tolerance is not dismissing someone else's opinion, merely because it differs from your own. Tolerance becomes tyranny when you only tolerate those voices that match yours in meter and practice.

Tolerance is not accepting the stridency in someone else's voice only when it matches your own. The fact that a certain percentage of Americans have bought the liberal jargon sickens those of us who haven't. We're not out to hurt you, blame you, take away your rights, or go to war. People like me just want to be able to live our lives freely. without the government interfering in every aspect. We're tired of being taxed beyond reason. We're tired of the corruption of both main parties. We want America to be America again. We don't want a global state...period. We are all for a woman president. There was just no way we were going to tolerate this specific woman as president. The newsflash here is that it was not just low income, straight, white people who voted for this candidate. I can also assure you that should this man not keep his promises, the group who voted him in to office will vote him in to exiting that same building.

So your immature ridiculousness will eventually fade in to the background. We will, as a country, move slowly forward, and given time we will see if promises made are fulfilled or tossed to the side.

My vote was an easy decision. When someone has the audacity to state boldly they will be raising taxes, that makes my blood boil. The corrupt people in government already waste the incredibly burdensome amount of taxes we pay on pet projects hidden deep within bills. Anyone who voted red was saying loudly and clearly, I refuse to vote for 'business as usual'. I want a change, and I saw president-elect Trump as my best option to facilitate that change.

Go back to trying to do your job-entertaining the masses. Those of us who enjoy your foul mouthed and off-color humor will still pay to be entertained, and those of us who don't will find alternative entertainment, just as we've always done. I never asked for your political opinion. I think for myself. I listened, read, and came to my own conclusion.  All your angry rhetoric did was make me that much more determined to vote as I did. I don't have a private position and a public one, as I personally feel your candidate does and did. 

For those of you who might peek in on a fairly regular basis to this blog, I thank you. I also know some of you will disagree with me-vehemently. I'm okay with that. I am not perfect, nor are my opinions. But, because I live in the greatest nation on earth, I can write my opinions and share them. Just as you can. Our Constitution declares that "all men are created equal", and that each of us who lives here is entitled to "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". Stop squabbling. Stop protesting, rioting, burning the president-elect in effigy, burning our flag, threatening to assassinate him, and move on. The only way we can ever start moving towards healing our broken land...and, it is broken, make no mistake!- is to stop being focused inward. We need to get our eyes off ourselves, look around, and get involved so that we each, individually can make a difference-even if it's only in one person's life. That is when true change will come.

It's Been A While

There are times in life when even as a person who loves to express themselves via the written word...words fail. Yes, it's been a while. In that while, life's been zipping past at an alarming rate. No, no quicker than normal, but the older I get, the more aware I become that as a younger woman, I lulled myself in to believing I had all the time in the world. Trite as it might sound, it's still true-I feel I blinked, and twenty-odd years passed, with me be almost unaware.
Even within the confines of this writing space-five years have passed since I first posted under this blog title. It's the eve of my fifty-fifth birthday. Which is either young, old, or just about right, depending on your perspective. I find it tough to look at the juxtaposition of this being the oldest I've ever been, and the youngest I'll ever be from this point on. I see and count the many blessings in my life, and I'm filled with awe and wonder at the graciousness the Creator I believe in has showered upon me. I'm fairly healthy, I have a job that, while stress-filled, I really like. I have friends and family. I have a good life.
In the midst of the chaos around me, with things such as the looming presidential election, the challenge it's become to find one's place in this world without fear of recrimination/offending someone else, and the daily drudgery of paying bills and making a budget work, there's a peace. A knowing. An understanding that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing, and waiting expectantly for whatever comes next. Five years ago, as I typed my first, tentative sentences under this banner, I could not have dreamed I'd be where I am today. For me, that just proves that while we may have goals, desires, dreams, and wishes, we are often blessed beyond the narrow scope of our own vision.
I write this mostly for myself-to remind myself that I should be ever-grateful, ever-watchful, and ever-aware of how life can turn on a dime. I can't and won't pretend to know what may lie ahead. All I know is that my life has been filled with moments so sweet, minutes so precious, friendship so dear, that while I may be impatient in the current moment, I just need to remind myself of how lucky I am, how well I've been provided for, and how trust is vital to moving forward.
I have no clue if I'll still be sending out missives via this outlet five years hence, but I'm filled with hope and expectation anyway to be able to look back and see the many positive things that will be present in my life then, which I couldn't even form in to words in this moment.
Growing older has helped me understand that phrase-"Live your life on purpose." That's my goal, the aim of my heart, and what I aspire to do. Thanks for hanging with me as I turn each new corner, scale each mountain, and unwrap each unexpected gift. If you're reading this-I love you. You matter to me, and I'm glad you're in my life. You are part of what makes my life worthwhile!

Be Careful What You Read

I usually keep my opinions on any socially prevalent issue to myself, out of respect for friends, colleagues, and relatives. My opinions is just that...an opinion. It's neither right nor wrong, but it does belong to me.

I can no longer stay silent as senseless slaughters happen all over this once great nation. Those in authority incite a divide that is quickly becoming a chasm. Mass hysteria reigns. People are unable to do the jobs they're paid for, and others protest because they think it's what they should do. Acts of graciousness and kindness go unreported, because they're not sensational enough.

I have many friends of different races, creeds, religions...and I can't choose whose life matters more...because they all matter. We all build in to each other's lives, daily, sometimes without even being aware we are doing so. Do I regret that white people held black people in the bondage of slavery? You'd better believe I do! Is my spirit shaken to its core when I see stories of children snatched in broad daylight, only to be sold in to sexual slavery? Yes! Am I horrified when officers, no matter their color, are murdered in the name of a cause that promotes hatred and divisiveness instead of promoting peace and efforts to combat senseless killing? You bet! This country doesn't need more killing! It needs more grace. More understanding. More accountability. More personal responsibility. Less selfishness. Less arrogance. More forgiveness. Folks...the people who are sworn to protect us from the actual bad guys are now targets. Are there bad cops? Yes. There are also bad doctors, bad lawyers, bad office workers, bad fast food workers...evil doesn't stay in one place. It spreads, like a disease. That's what this is, my friends. This is evil, on a rampage. Running willy-nilly, and wantonly shaking its wretched fist in our faces, egging on the worst in us, and suffocating the good.

A nation divided cannot stand. A long time ago I read a quote by Edmund Burke. I'll paraphrase it, and try to put a semi-modern day spin on it, "All it takes for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing." If I don't stand up for what's right, then who? If you don't speak peace to those around you, then who? As a nation, we're sitting, waiting for someone else to start the turn of the tide. The tide only turns when one person stands up for the greater good.

When we die, our bodies decompose. Everything that is under the surface looks the same once hair and skin is gone. Regardless of skin color of the victims...we're killing our brothers and sisters, folks! And then, standing in the streets rejoicing over it. Or building walls of belligerence to keep out the few who try to stand and say stop the madness!

You might agree with me. You might not. The choice is yours. At some point, someone has to be bold, courageous, and determined. To do what is right, honorable, and noble, regardless of the cost. I will not pretend that I know what it's like to grow up black in America. Because I was born white. I don't know what it's like to be treated differently because of the color of my skin. But, I do know what it's like to try to face life with an attitude of gratitude. Every one of us has a choice to just accept others, or to start judging, based on skin color, ethnicity, religion, height, weight, social status...the list is endless! So, stop judging! What you judge by will most likely have nothing to do with who the person you're judging is on the inside. And, that's the person we should be looking at. Anything on the outside is extemporaneous. It can, does, and will change, given time. At the end of this journey, all we will have left is who we are deep inside. Let's start looking each other in the heart-take the time to really see someone's heart. Once we do that, everything else falls away because we're looking at the part of that person that's going to walk in to eternity.

Star Spangled Freedom

I'd be remiss if I didn't say something about the birthday of the country I love. This weekend, we celebrate our nation's freedom. We'll cook out. Watch fireworks. Get together with friends and family. Start vacations. Mow our lawns. Water our plants. We might even just sit and relax. All of these are part and parcel of what we, as Americans hold dear. We do these things because we want to-because somewhere along the line, a mom, dad, sweetheart, brother, sister, grandpa, grandma, spouse, child...has said goodbye unknowingly, for the last time to a person they love. Seen that person walk out the door, down the road, get in to a car, a bus, a van, a train, a plane...and they've never come back...at least, not alive. They get a box that holds a body, but not the spirit of the person they loved. They get a flag, a salute, a formal thank you-and they go home and try to figure out how they live their life now that a piece of it is gone. The person who is gone, went willingly, nobly, honorably, and was compelled by a sense of duty not everyone shares.
I'm a deeply patriotic person. I'm more grateful than I could even put in to words to have grown up in this great nation. It's not perfect, in fact it's far from it! But...it's my country. We're in the midst of so much political turmoil and unrest. Plainly insincere candidates vie for our votes, filling our ears with empty promises and meaningless words. Politicians are out to get what's best for them, personally, not our nation as a whole. In a world view, terrorists strike daily, tearing away at the morale of people just trying to live their lives. Making people feel a general uneasiness because no one knows when or where the next attack will happen.
And we Americans? We go about our daily lives, rarely cognizant of how much it's cost someone else for us to get up, get in the vehicle of our choosing, go to a drive through, and get a cup of coffee. I often wonder in what direction this great nation would head if people took just a moment, every day, to understand how thankful they should be. To realize that for the most part, we take this precious life we live, the freedoms we were born with, and the ability still to have a dream and live it out and make it come true-for granted.
If you served this great nation, and you're reading this blog...I salute you. I thank you, although thanks, while it's all I can offer you, seems woefully inadequate. This post is for you, and every single compatriot you served with or who went before you...and never came back because they gave the ultimate gift which always lurks in the background, but I believe seldom expected when one volunteers for duty. Freedom is never free. This country is built on the spirits, bodies, and lives of thousands of people you and I will never meet.  It's time for us to stop trampling the memory of those who so willingly gave all, and start living like their sacrifice matters! Old Glory won't seem so glorious trampled under the feet of those who want to dismantle this nation's history of freedom, democracy, and justice. No, we are not perfect. Never have been, never will be. This holiday, take a moment. We're in the dawn's early light. The gleam of twilight has just passed. Rockets angrily glare red, bombs burst in air, on the ground, everywhere it seems. But....she's still waving. Tattered, a couple hundred years old now, and spangled with 50 stars instead of only 13. It's up to us to prove that she still guides the land of the free, and the home of the brave.

Where is Love?

There's a song from the musical "Oliver!" called "Where is Love?" I've sung this song since I was in about seventh grade or so.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjJDekSculo

Hoping that link works!

This pretty much sums up how I feel about this subject. I could make an endless parade of the "potentials" who've come through my life. Who really, when all was said and done, had no potential whatsoever.

Looking at love from a matured stance, (at least age wise), I realize it's never what you think it is when you're young. It's less. And it's so much more. It's not about being jealous, arrogant, selfish, rude, inconsiderate, impatient...but it is about sharing-your life, your ideas, thoughts, hopes, dreams, disappointments-and, it's about a pair of arms there to hold you at the end of long day when you walk in to your home, look around, and realize that this is where you belong...because home is wherever your heart rests. You understand that your heart can rest here, because it is safe. Wanted. Even treasured.

It's not the other person's attractiveness, it's their openness to being vulnerable to you that draws you. The amazing thing is this ends up making them more attractive to you, because of shared bonds, memories, both happy and sad, and a lifetime of coming to understand who that person is as an individual, and who the two of you are together as a couple.

If you have this, cling to it. Build it. Savor it. Protect it. If you don't...hold out for it, because this is what that ache is inside your heart. That deep down emptiness you feel that you won't admit you have most of the time, even to yourself. It's time to deal with this once you've come to terms with God's place in your life, the plan for your life that's unfolding even when you don't realize it, and once you can finally gauge the scope of the path you're traveling. This, for a lot of us, is what's missing. The equation is simple. You can absolutely go through life by yourself. People prove this on a daily basis. But we humans, well, we're social creatures. We need that interaction, thrive on it, truth be told. We enjoy the closeness and comfort that come from just knowing we have merit in someone else's eyes. not because of anything we've done but because they choose, daily, to love us.

So. Much News!

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

I suppose I know that saying by rote now.  It's Friday night, and I'm sitting on my couch again with my cats furnishing warmth and purring (known as motors, in my world), and feeling generally pleased. It's been an exhausting journey from November to now! My new job...there's just so much information! So much I simply don't know. I learn something new every single day...and wonder if I'll ever 'get' it fully. I work with some remarkable people who are very helpful and very, very patient!

My new car...well, this was one thing I wasn't planning on, but when someone smashes in to the back of your car and totals it....you get a new one. You also learn a new level of gratefulness for being alive, safe, and generally happy. I'm still driving a MINI, but it's three years newer than what I was driving, and it has 80,000 less miles on it. I walked away with some bruising. Kind of mind boggling.

I needed a place to stay....and (yet again) help moving. Enter, my family. My mom housed me for three weeks, my siblings and their families and my son showed to help me move not once, but twice. There aren't words enough to express my appreciation for their thoughtfulness.

Then...there's the house. My home. This place I get to turn the key to daily, lock the doors, and know that I'm not renting. I'm purchasing. I'm owning it, little by little.

I've told several friends that I feel like the luckiest woman around. Lucky....even while my bruises healed, my arms, shoulders, and back ached from unpacking, sorting through, hanging shelves, and putting together a piece of furniture that almost got the best of me! Lucky to have had such a great realtor, who found me a lender that was so very easy to work with, and who kept his word.

I'm in awe, really of how great my life is right now. And wondering what else could be around the corner. Planting flowers, mowing the lawn, sitting on my porch or deck (yeah, I have both!), and drinking in the sunshine, feeling more and more each day like this is mine, and understanding all that I've accomplished....and how many extraordinary people have been placed in my life who've helped me get to where I never thought I'd be.

My cats were so well cared for while waiting on my house! They've pretty much adjusted to our new home, though they might miss being as spoiled as they were when being kitty-sat! My new car lives in a garage! Pictures are on the walls, food is in the fridge, locks are changed, and I'm beyond thrilled. I'm still in shock over the events of the last few months!

If anyone reading this, anywhere, is looking at their life and thinking they just can't do it any more, all I can say to you is don't give up! Life changes on a dime, and you're suddenly surrounded by things you might never have even dreamt could be a reality!

The Precipice

I'm standing on the precipice of a whole new, uncharted section of life. I didn't chart this area, because I didn't honestly think it was reachable. But, it's here now, and it's stunning. Scary. Exciting. It occurs to me, however that all of us stands on a sort of life precipice every day. I'm no more special than the next person...each of us faces the same situations in life. Happiness. Health. Heartache. Love. Loss. Busyness. Success. Failure. Frustration. The list is endless, because it's part of the human condition. Daily, we're tested. Put through the fire, as it were. And daily, we stand at the edge of what for us, the individual standing in that precise spot, at that precise moment, is daunting.
We go through the motions of life, going to work and doing any of a number of extra activities that keep us busy. Busy is not a bad thing. But, while we're busy, we need to be more aware. Aware of understanding that we face choices each day. Choices that in and of themselves, are neither bad nor good. Sometimes, they're so seemingly innocuous that we don't stop to think where those choices might lead. Again...human nature. It's part of getting on with what we try to call living.
In my life experiences in the last few years I've discovered that somewhere along the way, in this fast paced, ever changing world we now call home, it's become okay to not be totally truthful. And, that in fact, when someone is truthful, people are taken aback...sometimes to the point of being horrified. When did this happen? When did being a light go out of fashion? When did being dishonest become the status quo? I can only use examples from my own experiences...my own life...my own precipices, if you will.
One area where I see this issue played out repeatedly, is in my dating life. I know, I know...but remember, I'm speaking from my experiences. Yes, I have used, and continue to use, online dating sites. The trouble is that it is so very easy to hide behind a computer screen and try to become something you are not. You can tweak your profile to appear as if you're the most loveable, dateable, magnanimous person around, when deep inside you're unsure, insecure, and sometimes (seemingly) even unstable. People put up (what they consider to be) the best pictures of themselves. Men go shirtless (most often when they shouldn't!). Women show cleavage. All in hopes of snaring that elusive thing we call love. What happens though, is that love gets cheapened. Hurried. Turned in to the illusion of what it's meant to be, instead of what it actually is. And, the way that online dating sites are set up, encourages a meat-market mentality. "Well, this one's nice, but if I just click one more time..." It's never ending. And, it's all illusion.
Infrequently, a person runs across someone who just seems real. But it's tough to believe it, because the darkness that compulsively deceiving masses brings makes you do a double take when you even think you might see a glimmer of truth (light).
Which precipice are you standing on the edge of today? Is it some major life decision? Or, is it simply telling someone the bold truth? That is a precipice as well. And, when we aren't truthful, we leave things unfinished for others. Like we purposely leave them nearly dangling from a precipice we created when we chose not to be truthful! The message is simple. Tell the truth. Take a stand. Be the light in the darkness.

Welcome, 2016!

It's leap year, folks! Another beginning, following an ending, in the continuous cycle we call life. This year starts out HUGE for me, with a new house coming the end of this month, a new job I've been in for a month now, but am still just at the beginning of understanding all it truly entails. My mind is stretching...my budget is stretching...my horizons are expanding, my life is being enriched, and I'm literally walking on air! I'm not sure my feet have touched the ground in almost a month now. While it's time consuming, sometimes a bit aggravating, seems like it'll never get here, and at the same time, like it's breathing down my neck!...I'm just extraordinarily grateful. Content. Excited. I've got a list of adverbs! I have cats jumping on boxes, wondering why our normally semi-organized apartment is now apparently a makeshift packing house! I've already gone through my clothing and donated a lot of it. I'll be doing that again, at least once, before I leave here for good.

In truth...I'm stunned when I stand still and think for even a moment on what's transpired over the last almost four years. At the beginning of 2015, I could not have imagined I'd be standing at this threshold in just a year. So much work to do. So much planning, organizing. So many decisions. Gracious concessions throughout the home sale transaction I'd have never dreamed sellers would give. And always...this feeling of understanding what a lucky woman I am. How grateful I am. And how excited I am to look towards the future. Towards sharing this new journey with those who take the time to look at this little blog. Thank you for peeking in on a regular basis. For sharing my trials, my joys, my frustrations...bring on 2016 and beyond!