'Tis the Season

I had a hard time sleeping last night. There was a pain in my leg, (probably from my knee replacement surgery in August) that kept me awake pretty much the entire night. I got up, took a shower, went back to bed, got up again, soaked in the tub, and finally after about 7:00 a.m., I went to sleep for three hours. I'll catch up, I'm sure, and in the meantime, my leg isn't feeling like it was.
Today's been kind of a lazy day. I'm roasting a bone-in ham, and I made a new (and fantastic!) rice pudding recipe with dried cranberries, instead of raisins. And suddenly it occurred to me that I live in plenty. Do I feel like my budget's tight? Of course! Who doesn't? But I am warm and I don't worry if I'll have heat. I didn't have to go to the grocery store, count pennies, and try to determine if I had enough to make an 'extra' like rice pudding.  I had the funds to buy a ham that'll probably make me a week's worth of meals when it was on sale for $.79/lb. Enough-and then some. I plan, I purchase, I go through the motions, and I often lose sight of the fact that not too far from me, there are people who are shivering and hungry. People who don't get the chance to stand around in the morning trying to determine what they'll wear that day, or what they'll pack up for their lunch. They're standing somewhere in all the clothes they own, hoping they'll be able to get even one meal. 
Plenty. I. Have. Plenty. Yet I live such a selfish life, that without even giving it a thought, I am most often wanting more. I'm dissatisfied with plenty! How arrogant. How very sad. 
I'm going to challenge myself-to give out of my plenty. "For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45). What do I have to complain about? I have shelter, clothing, food, a job, family, friends, a couple of crazy cats...I have plenty. Love means nothing, unless you give it away. Give-out of love for your fellow man. Give because you're grateful. Give because...you. Have. Plenty. 
May you feel the blessings of this holiday season, and spread the joy of knowing the reason for the season!

Is That All There Is?

Yes, that's a line from a song that was pretty popular when I was young a long time ago! It jumped to my mind as a title for this entry because of a conversation I had recently with someone.
I was speaking to a coworker, outside of business hours, who lives and works in another state. As I listened to them describe where they lived, the value of their home, and a couple of other things, I wondered to myself, 'Is that really all we've come to?' Am I really going to let myself be defined by what I own, where I live, or any job title I might hold now or in the future? 
I don't care about the value of someone's home, or where that home is situated, nor their job title in the workplace. What I'm looking at is the content of their character. What they use to define the anthem of their heart. How they choose to live and view life. And in what or whom they place their faith or trust. 
I've got some rough road ahead of me in the very near future. Big decisions to make. Irons in the fire of my life that are just about ready to come out and brand, if you will, the next phase of my life. All that speaks to is that if we're alive, we're changing, or at least, our life circumstances are doing so. No matter what stage or phase of life I am in, what defines me, or what I hope defines me, is the content of my character. That is the constant that moves with me through each phase, each transition, each new chapter. When a roadblock appears seemingly out of nowhere, how do I react? Do I sit in the middle of my life's road, wringing my hands in agony, or do I press on, straining to see what's beyond the monolith ahead? 
For me, to be a true friend involves exposing the content of your heart. That can be dangerous, because sometimes, once it's shown, it gets trampled upon or even simply ignored as if that information holds no intrinsic value. Often, in today's society, it doesn't to others because we've been so conditioned to value the outward and ignore the deeply meaningful. 
Look for the lessons coming your way. Internalize them. Learn and grow from them. I'm trying to do these things. I am not always successful, but when I am, it changes my outlook!

What the World Needs Now...

Life rarely turns out as we might dream it will be when we're young and idealistic. Twists, turns, forks, road blocks-all these serve to make for a far more dramatic real life than most of us could envision. We step forward and back. We gain, we lose. We worry about so many things that we can't control, often times as what really matters blazes past us, almost unseen.

We look at life as a series of 'have to's', instead of a series of events brought in to our particular life for a purpose. The purpose for things in my life will be completely different than the purpose for things in yours. Because we are all unique, we have varied, often intricate reasons for what still needs to be learned.

Some of us need to learn how to truly love beyond what we deem possible. Some of us need to learn to let go of things that hold us back and actually cause harm. We cling to these things because their presence insinuates a form of comfort and normalcy, when breaking free of them could represent such a radical change that our life's course would be permanently altered.

I think our greatest need as humans-the thing a vast majority would say is missing across cultural, racial, ethnic, and gender lines is acceptance of who we are. Acceptance equals love. That's a balanced equation there, folks.

Love drives us. Motivates us. Consumes us. Defines us. It alters us, if we let it. Counterintuitively, what society offers us as a cheap, garish imitation-lust- leaves us empty. Cheats us. Demoralizes us. If I am drawing the next breath, I am needing love-both to give it and receive it. That's how we're put together...how we're designed. I live alone because a decade ago I chose to become single.  I thought being alone would be better than the self-imposed cage I was living in at the time. Those who are single know how exhausting it is to always be on your own. To have no one there at the end of a terrible day to enfold you in their arms and tell you they care, no matter what the world is telling you. The silence that comes with choosing to isolate yourself is stunning. I have a couple cats because singleness is deafeningly silent.

Just as anything solar powered needs the energy of the sun to work at peak capacity, we humans need love to be all we're intended to be. Not the dalliance of lust. The cheap, dirty-under-the-surface imitation. But love, as it was intended to be shared by the One Who created us. Have you ever noticed how love, shared-grows? And when you care about someone, and they in return, care about you, how a grief is halved? That's love. It covers, folks. Everything. It's patient, kind. Never haughty or selfish or rude, and it will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. (I Cor 13:4)

This is why our world suffers so much today. Because so many have bought in to the lie lust serves up on a designer-inspired platter. It looks good on the outside, but it's fake. Just done for the camera. There is no content. Wait for the real thing. And, if you're lucky enough to have it, nurture it. It will stand you in good stead when storms rage all around you. It will become the beacon from the shore of your life's lighthouse, and will guide you to the harbor, where it is safe and calm.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

For about as long as I can remember, my ideas of God and how He loves me as an individual, have been tied to examples (both good and bad) of other people either living out His will, or failing at it-miserably.

How was I supposed to act as a woman? I looked to those who were older, wiser, more secure in their femininity. And I also got ideas from the relentless pull of media. Advertising, in print, on tv, via radio-endlessly droning on about whatever it was they were selling that was sure to make me the woman I was supposed to be.

How was I supposed to react inside a marriage? I had, as a child, a poor example of this. It got better as I got older. As an adult, I ended up making life altering decisions, both good and bad, based on preconceptions born of my childhood experiences.

And then, at 56 years old, the key was dropped in my lap. At the suggestion of a man I'll never meet, who told me of a book I needed to read. Now, no book, aside from the Word of God, is the be all and end all. But this book spoke specifically to questions I'd never really dared ask myself directly.

Since my marriage ended in divorce several years ago, I've wondered what in the world could keep a new one, were I lucky enough to be asked again, from suffering the same fate? After all, I was the same woman, bringing the same idiosyncrasies, faults, and fears, in to the same sort of intimate relationship. The answer, it seems, is so simple, direct, and yet completely counter culture to today's societal standards. It's respect. Respect that is as uncompromising as it is unconditional. It's what a man yearns for, deep down at the core of his spirit-even when he doesn't know that's what he wants, needs, or requires. It's the ability as a woman, to build a man up instead of tear him down. (I did a lot of the later my first go-round).

What do I do now that I'm armed with this information? I start living it, my friend...as if I am already married. My husband right now, is God Himself! He's waited my whole life to show me how it's really supposed to be-how it can be, if I respect. Him. The one He will (hopefully) send in to my life. Others. I have such a lack of respect-it's stunning, saddening, maddening! Yet it's what I'm being called to. It's my area of deepest need. I weep at the example I've been to my children. For the years, lost in several relationships due to a lack of unconditional respect on my part. For the blessing missed, because I couldn't-wouldn't, bend my will, or the knee of my spirit, and give the offering of respect even when it might not have been deserved. I cannot change what has passed. I cannot live within the confines of past mistakes. That's not what I'm called to do! I can run forward boldly now, armed with the full and complete knowledge of what I must do, how I, as a woman, must respond if I am to live the life I'm meant to live. Mind. BLOWN!

Welcoming 2018...slightly late!

Until I took a look today, I hadn't realized August was the last time I posted. I feel some guilt, yet my life has just been going forward. I'm hesitant to roll out the welcome mat to 2018, because so far, this year has been stressful. (Yes, I know it's only two months old!) I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say that just because I haven't been writing, doesn't mean life hasn't been happening. Work is good. Challenging, but I like it that way. I'm actually training someone new right now. Talk about giving you perspective on what you do daily!

My sewer needs some expensive work. My mom's having some tests. I recently discovered I have severe arthritis in one knee...to the point it needs replacing. I've hit potholes (which are seemingly unavoidable here), and needed new tires. I've also ordered a couple of things that will add to the curb appeal of my already cute little house.

And daily, I am learning about grace. Thankfulness. Living within your means. And how small my world really is. Grace...because I deserve nothing that I have, but it's been given to me anyway. Thankfulness because how can you not be thankful when you've been given so much? Living within your means because of wise friends who show not only me, but an entire online community the advantages of doing so. And how small my world is as I see news happening in a vast world that is pleading for help.

My goals for this year while small, can be life-altering if put firmly in to the main stream of my life. Recognizing grace. Voicing thankfulness. Learning the art of being frugal to a much broader scope than I have right now. Doing all of these things so that my world, or at least my involvement in this world, can grow.

Often you've seen me write about wanting love, seeking love, or wondering why I haven't found it yet. This is the year my focus shifts. From inward focusing to outward looking. I want to become aware of those around me in need, live frugally so I can give liberally, and see myself grow in relation to all of this. Onward!