R-E-S-P-E-C-T

For about as long as I can remember, my ideas of God and how He loves me as an individual, have been tied to examples (both good and bad) of other people either living out His will, or failing at it-miserably.

How was I supposed to act as a woman? I looked to those who were older, wiser, more secure in their femininity. And I also got ideas from the relentless pull of media. Advertising, in print, on tv, via radio-endlessly droning on about whatever it was they were selling that was sure to make me the woman I was supposed to be.

How was I supposed to react inside a marriage? I had, as a child, a poor example of this. It got better as I got older. As an adult, I ended up making life altering decisions, both good and bad, based on preconceptions born of my childhood experiences.

And then, at 56 years old, the key was dropped in my lap. At the suggestion of a man I'll never meet, who told me of a book I needed to read. Now, no book, aside from the Word of God, is the be all and end all. But this book spoke specifically to questions I'd never really dared ask myself directly.

Since my marriage ended in divorce several years ago, I've wondered what in the world could keep a new one, were I lucky enough to be asked again, from suffering the same fate? After all, I was the same woman, bringing the same idiosyncrasies, faults, and fears, in to the same sort of intimate relationship. The answer, it seems, is so simple, direct, and yet completely counter culture to today's societal standards. It's respect. Respect that is as uncompromising as it is unconditional. It's what a man yearns for, deep down at the core of his spirit-even when he doesn't know that's what he wants, needs, or requires. It's the ability as a woman, to build a man up instead of tear him down. (I did a lot of the later my first go-round).

What do I do now that I'm armed with this information? I start living it, my friend...as if I am already married. My husband right now, is God Himself! He's waited my whole life to show me how it's really supposed to be-how it can be, if I respect. Him. The one He will (hopefully) send in to my life. Others. I have such a lack of respect-it's stunning, saddening, maddening! Yet it's what I'm being called to. It's my area of deepest need. I weep at the example I've been to my children. For the years, lost in several relationships due to a lack of unconditional respect on my part. For the blessing missed, because I couldn't-wouldn't, bend my will, or the knee of my spirit, and give the offering of respect even when it might not have been deserved. I cannot change what has passed. I cannot live within the confines of past mistakes. That's not what I'm called to do! I can run forward boldly now, armed with the full and complete knowledge of what I must do, how I, as a woman, must respond if I am to live the life I'm meant to live. Mind. BLOWN!