In the Grander Scheme of Life...

...do I matter?
Have you ever asked yourself this question? Ever wondered to yourself? Do you pause to only ask this if things don't turn out quite as you had expected them to? Or do you use it for introspection, a touch point or marker? Does what I do, how I choose to live, matter to anyone else but me? If I suddenly disappeared, would my absence be noticed or mourned? Or, would the business of life fill in the space left until there's really nothing there to show I was the least bit remarkable?
These are some of the thoughts that swirl around in my brain. I know, because of how I'm wired, that I personally need to revisit these questions, because I can get so tied up in myself, that I forget that the only thing that lasts is how we treat others. I spend a lot of time on the phone for my job. Because I don't have eye contact, I have no clue what the customer I'm speaking to is going through. My goal is to be a bright spot in their day. For the two to ten minutes they spend on the phone with me, they get a smiling voice. Why? Because sometimes, life just isn't fair. And while I can not change any of my customer's lives, I can choose to treat them with kindness, dignity, and respect. I can laugh with them. Empathize. And do my job to the best of my ability to help make that small part of their day a little more bearable.
I want my life outside of work to be the same. All of us touch so many more lives than we realize. Social media, especially, has shrunk our world in some ways, yet broadened the scope of lives we will possibly touch in our life time.
I spend a fraction of my 'free' time outside work, in a chat room for senior citizens. Most of them have been chatting since 'way back in the day'...when chat first started up. I'm a relative newcomer to it all, but in this group of people with diverse backgrounds, I have found a type of family. I found this room kind of by accident. I was tired of the same old, same old in other chat rooms. Drama, insincerity, insecurity, cliques, and churlish, childish behavior. I dropped in to this room and found a family.
They do not replace my family of origin, but I love them deeply. They encourage, protect, and cheer me as they see me fight...and win life victories. Most of them are old enough to be my parents! I find humor, understanding, wisdom, knowledge, and acceptance in this place. They tease me about loving the color pink, and beam with pride when I meet or exceed a goal.
For me, the most exciting thing this year will be when we all come face to face at a chat get together in mid-September. There will be laughter, teasing, hugging, a bit of tears, and for me, a general feeling of joy at having the honor of meeting so many people who see me as I would like to be! I'm looking forward to: Chat names & real-life names on name tags. Coffee...by the gallon! Eye contact. Conversations. Interpersonal connections and bonds that are strong now, will become even more so after spending time together in person.
So, do I matter? Yes! To my family, co-workers, customers, real-life friends, and online friends! I would be missed if I were gone...but, it's only because we, as a group, have taken the time to build in to each other's lives. To learn what is important to another person, and to cheer them on, even from long distances when we see them obtaining a goal. Each one of us determines, in ways we don't even realize, how someone else perceives us. For the most part, what you put out, is what you'll get back. Yes, I know there's always the exception, but don't let exceptions ruin your perception of everyone else. Find the life you want to live, pursue it, and embrace it as you go. The joy you get from simply doing this will be infectious!

The First Day of Spring!

It's the first day of spring! Here in Michigan, at least where I live, it reached close to 50 degrees! (we get pretty excited this time of year when that happens!) Almost all the snow has melted. There's still a chance it could snow, but from here on out...the days get longer and warmer. The birds are back, busily building nests for the next generation. Ice melts across the surface of open water, the recession bringing spring's hope along with it.
My thoughts eagerly turn towards the now bare ground surrounding my very small patio. I can't wait to decide what color & type of flowers I'll plant this year. I'm looking forward to the work of setting my patio up! Seeing it come back to life, as it were, after a cold winter's respite. There are hummingbird feeders to hang, and this year my patio will sport a baker's rack! Nope, no pies or baked goods will be on it, but it should have some colorful plants!
My cat will remember that my patio door is like her own television nature channel, and I'll laugh with delight as I see her take notice of all sorts of wildlife. Mice, chipmunks, birds of all sorts, squirrels, rabbits, raccoons, an occasional opossum or skunk, deer...and, oh yes other people's pets! It's a veritable nature preserve, and she keeps a watchful eye over it all.
Wearing sandals, going barefoot, pulling weeds, watering flowers...these are the rewards of summer. Sipping my Sunday morning coffee on the patio, before the rush of things needing to be done takes over. Taking the time to try, yet again this year, to get the perfect hummingbird picture. Re-learning that sometimes, the best thing you can do is stop and drink it in. Pause and be grateful. Look around and see how good you have it. Dream. Plan. Make goals. Pursue the life you want. Then, stand in awe as you actually live that life!

Life is But a Breath

Today, I heard some terrible news. A man my son's age, a man who'd been a childhood friend of my son's, has died. I baked cookies for this boy. He played in my yard, slept at my house...he existed.
A terribly tragic accident...and a life, hardly lived, is cut short. A wife and children are left husbandless and fatherless. A nation mourns the loss of brave men who were serving their country, and the lives those men touched are changed forever.
We go about our work-a-day world, barely realizing that time is passing, life is happening...until we get some sort of news that stops us in our tracks. Look around. This moment is all we really have. We don't get do-overs. And we're not promised more than the breath we're either inhaling or exhaling at this very moment.
I won't be maudlin. The young man I remember from so long ago, even at that age, had a zest for life.  I'm sure he lived life on his terms. Which begs the question...am I? Am I making a difference, or am I merely going through the motions?
Am I striving to appreciate each day? Am I looking at the day as another opportunity to give back, change my outlook, or just be there for someone? Am I learning to be quick to forgive, short on remembering wrongs, and easily accessible when family or friends need me? Am I saying "I love you" to those I do love...so there's no regret of words lost or unspoken should something calamitous happen?
In the end, it's the human, emotional bonds we form that help define the effect we may (or may not) have on another person's life. We may spend a lifetime building an empire, putting our efforts in to making a name for ourselves, or focusing on constructing our idea of a legacy for those left behind. 
I'm here to state emphatically that what those who are left will think of is how we...me, you, us collectively or individually, impacted their lives emotionally. Did we give love, approval, acceptance, encouragement, praise, and impact them positively? Or, did we tear away at the foundations they tried to lay with disapproval, criticism, and negativity? We can not change the past...it's already over and done with, so we shouldn't dwell in it. We can't borrow from the future, because we just don't know what the future holds. We need to live in the present...and be present in the here and now. Be aware, focused, and observant.
While we may not always realize it, as long as we're living, breathing, and circulating among the masses, we have the ability to change lives. Even if all we do is offer a smile to a stranger...or a cookie to a teenaged boy, who'll one day go on to give his life in a training drill as he learns to diligently protect our country. It is always, always...about perspective. Live well. Be the difference.

Living the Good Life

I recently suggested to a friend that I do my best thinking at night! Or, maybe that's just when I do my most profound thinking. Then again, maybe it takes until late for my brain to process the day just passed. To mull over it, dig through it, and see if there's anything that needs further examination. Oh, I know, not everyone is like this, but you know, that's part of what makes me unique. I'm a thinker. I connect the dots. I journey down possible future paths, just to see possible outcomes. And, I try to figure out how I 'fit' in to the world in which I find myself.
I often look at my single self and wonder. I wonder if and when I'll get fully motivated to lose weight. Not because I want to attract a man, but because it would be healthier for me. I wonder where I'll be five years from now. Ten years...twenty. Looking that far ahead, I can see retirement. Holy cow...I mean holy cow! Where did the years go? Then, I realize that I've been living. Walking, step by step down a path that is going to take me through my last working years, and on in to retirement. This seems like a good place to drop a recent Facebook post. It sums up my basic perspective on the current tenor of my life. It reads as follows:

I just want you to know...that I know I have a good life. I'm thankful for the hardships, because those are what have helped me prove who I am, what I can accomplish, and to see my own value. I don't need your approval, but I'm honored by your friendship. My journey's not over, but let me tell you, I am enjoying the ride!

Just a couple of simple sentences, but I see a person who's confident in their abilities, happy with how their life is, and anticipating whatever the future holds. Goals don't loom in my life...they're placed purposely, at a distance so I have to work to attain them. What I have, here and now, is good. Who I am is not who I was, nor who I will be at some point in the future, and that's alright as well. My job, my home, my "relationship status" are factoids, but they are not who I am. Underneath it all, I'm a woman who's happy with her life, has a positive attitude, and knows from personal experience that if you set your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Life changes...you change when you understand and take to heart that old adage..."Attitude determines altitude". It really does! And...only you can determine what your attitude will be. Amazing, isn't it?