I carried you safely, inside my body, for 40 weeks. 40 long weeks. I went through the agonizing pain of childbirth willingly...excited by the prospect of seeing the face of someone I already loved unreservedly. I heard your first breath of air. Your first cry. I saw your eyes, trying to adjust to light...something they'd never had to try to do while in the safety of my womb. I saw you flail your arms and legs. Stretching, moving, building muscle. I changed your diapers. Stayed up worrying over fevers, spots, stuffy noses, or even unexplained crying. I heard your first word...and my heart swelled when I could discern "Da-da". I'd been working with you for days to get you to say it! I gloried when you sat up, crawled, then walked. And I ran after you as you explored the world you were growing used to, the world you were extraordinarily curious about. My courage was tested when you needed surgery, broke a bone, when we discovered you needed stitches, or had something wrong that while not life-threatening, bore watching.
I watched as you learned things...first from me, then from teachers as I sent you off to school. I saw you learn, grow, play, make mistakes, and begin to become who you are now. And I was in awe. Always. Your arrival here, upon this planet proved to me that miracles are real. Without you, I would not know how completely I could love another person. How willingly I'd set aside any dream I'd had to discover your dreams, and try, with all my might, to help you attain them. I home schooled you for a while. I'm glad I tried that, and no, I still don't think it hurt, warped, or changed you. Nor did it make you anti-social.
Our relationship changed as you grew...just as it's supposed to. After all, it was my mission to help you become self-sufficient as an adult. I think you're doing a great job! I've seen your heartaches over broken relationships, your frustrations with some of your life choices, and your courage to just keep on going, even when things aren't quite as you expected them to be. I've seen your hurt and anger over some of my own choices. I've stood by, helpless to heal the hurt in your eyes. Hurt that my decision caused. I've also seen forgiveness as time has moved along. All I can say is, it was never my intention to hurt you. And it broke my heart that I did. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want you to know I don't regret my past...because you are an integral part of it.
As to my future...or your future...it will be whatever we choose to make it! My love for you is limitless. Timeless. It's unique, because of how I met you. I made mistakes along the way because I am human. You've become a decent human being in spite of my mistakes! Having you, raising you, loving you has given my life meaning. And every year that passes, every decade you move through, I find new ways to love you. New things to admire about you. And new areas inside my spirit that are humbled knowing I had a hand in bringing you in to the world. If you ever doubt that someone loves you, please understand that what I feel for you goes beyond anything I could ever really put in to words. You inspire me. You humble me. Your existence matters to me. It is my singular honor and privilege to be your mother. Thank you.
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