Sometimes, Life Hurts

The last couple of weeks have been busy in my life. Most of it, not in a good way. My ex mother in law passed away. My mother had double knee replacement surgery. Call volumes are way dawn at work, so I am nervous about my job (again). Because of that nervousness, I started applying to other jobs. I thought I had one, but they declined to complete the process with me, and left me in that void of not knowing why. It was in a different state, so I had a mover lined up, a realtor waiting, and I had even pre-qualified for a mortgage!
I had dinner with my three children this evening, celebrating a belated Mother's Day. While I won't go in to detail, it was humbling, uncomfortable, and I walked away feeling like I must be the lousiest mother-ever. Now understand that I know I'm not, but I can't help feeling that way sometimes.
There are just times in our lives when we have to keep on keeping on, because the alternative is not an option. Loss isn't always easy to deal with. Yet it is an integral part of life. I can normally do alright if I am facing one thing at a time. It just feels, right now, like someone backed a dump truck up and poured 'fertilizer' all over it. All that really means is I need to get out my tools...and start spreading it and evening it out so that it does what it's supposed to do...help me bloom! Yes sometimes, life hurts. But I will argue that if we never knew pain, joy would mean nothing, or at least not as much, because we would have nothing to compare it to.
I will continue to apply for jobs, because I know the pain of not having a job and for me, that is just not a place I want to visit ever again. In the mean time, I will perform my current job to the best of my abilities, because that is what I've been hired to do. My mother will get better. We're seeing small improvements every day. And, at some point, I will be a homeowner, because I believe now that is an achievable goal.
I'm counting my blessings tonight, even as I feel the pain of fresh wounds. They'll heal. Time will move on. And this 'keeping on' phase will lead to the next level, and so on. Even in emotionally tough times, a positive outlook is possible. I just have to remember that I am here for a purpose. That there's a design for my life. And that hard work is it's own reward, and it usually brings other companions along with it. Like peace. Contentment. Self-motivation...and understanding that there will be times, like now...when looking back, there'll only be one set of footprints.